So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
