I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
