My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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