I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
