I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
