1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
