Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
