We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
