My cat gives me a boner
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
