We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
