ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
