I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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