somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
