i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
