the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
