Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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