I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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