dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
