The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i need some magic done to my vagina
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
