how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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