sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
