Got a toothbrush?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
