I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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