I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
