if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
