Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
