So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
