i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
