hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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