Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
