the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
