I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
