you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
