I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
