he shaved USA in his pubs
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
