I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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