A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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