I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
