the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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