I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
