ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
