I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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