I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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