maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
