Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
