So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
