I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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