if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
