good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
