He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
