I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
