in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i think i have two assholes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
