i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
